As a stay at home parent reentering paid work, you likely have many concerns: Should I go back to work? Will my children be ok? Our family is used to having me as the lead parent. How will everyone get along if I am working?
These are all valid and should be well thought-out. I had very similar concerns when I was returning to paid work. When I did make the leap, I reflected on my own mother’s return to paid work story and it has been a source of comfort and encouragement. If that is something you need at this point in your transition, I hope this story helps you too.
My mother started her own catering business in the 80’s. This was a profession born out of a love of food and a generous heart. My mother loves to cook. She has been entertaining friends and family with food for as long as I can remember. My dad used to tease her because instead of a novel or the latest beach read, she would bring a cookbook for her leisure reading on vacation.
Cooking was and still is my mother’s way of showing love to the people that she cares about. Like many stay at home parents that I talk to today, she wanted to feel the value of contributing her talents within our community. When my brother and I were 7 and 9, she felt like we didn’t need her as much on a day-to-day basis since we were in school. She had a supportive spouse in my father. He encouraged her to go back to paid work and do what she loved.
There are all sorts of studies that say working moms are good for the development of children. Especially daughters. As a daughter of a working mother, here is what I have personally witnessed and learned as a result of my mom returning to paid work when I was young:
1) If you love what you do and align your strengths and passions with something that your community needs, then you will be successful. My mom retired on a high note as one of the most sought-after caterers in our city. And she only relied on word of mouth for advertising!
2) Time away from paid work is invaluable. My mother was a self-taught chef and spent more than 15 years perfecting her recipes with friends and family before opening her catering business. She used her time away from paid work, when she was focusing on me and my brother, to discover what drove her. And when she felt like it was the right time for her and our family, she leaned in. She pursued her dream and achieved her goals.
3) A supportive partner goes a long way towards success. I am positive that I did not see all the highs and lows in my parents’ marriage, but I know this: they were very supportive of one another. I remember almost daily conversations where they would talk about each other’s work and show support by listening and asking questions. There were times that my mom would work during the evenings and my dad would be responsible for feeding us and getting us to and from school. They worked together to manage family life so that neither had to sacrifice their career. They truly loved and supported one another.
4) Don’t waste your time with guilt. As someone who grew up in Burma (Myanmar), my mother doesn’t understand the American obsession with guilt. She felt it was a useless thing to preoccupy her time. But that doesn’t mean she didn’t care. She showed lots of kindness and care over the years, and in the end trusted that she did her best.
5) Be resourceful. My mother served as a strong role model for me. Her stories of figuring out how to source a dish that had inadvertently been left in the catering refrigerator taught me about problem solving in a pinch. Her many hours spent planning and prepping for a party taught me about hard work. She shared her challenges and her successes with my brother and me at the dinner table so that we could know that things didn’t always go as planned but she, and we, could work through it. She was an entrepreneur before it was cool. She was building resilience and a growth mindset long before it was a thing.
6) Support other women. Catering by Trish supported many other working mothers. Some of these women were stay at home parents returning to work. Some started their career in my mom’s business, some were able to work in retirement to earn extra money. Many women were able to support their own families through this work. There was always a sense of comradery and support at work. The work was flexible. Children were able to come in if they didn’t have school. We often worked in her business during the summer months when we were in high school.
7) There is tremendous value in being a working mother. With catering, my mother worked a lot of nights and weekends, but she was always there for us when we needed her. I understood that my mom was contributing to our family to allow us to live the way that she and my dad wanted us to. I was and am still so very proud of what she accomplished as a woman running her own business. And that is what I hope to give my daughters as well. Someone to be proud of. Someone to aspire to be like. Someone who shows them how much she loves them and also shows them what it takes to own your own business.
For all of you stay at home moms feeling a pull to return to paid work, I know it can be daunting and scary but it can also be so rewarding and joyful! I benefited greatly and in so many ways from my mother working. My brother and I both lean on the lessons from our parents example as working parents in our lives today. We are successful in our professions and balance that with families of our own. I hope her story reassures you that going back to paid work can be a wonderful thing for your family. Your children will be ok, and you might even find more healthy collaboration within your family as a result of your return to paid work. If you have a story of your own return to work and what that meant for you and your family, then I would love to hear it! Send me an e-mail.
